I thought it would be fun to introduce you all a little bit to my husband, Owen. We’re coming up on six months of marriage and I’m more in love with him now than I was when we married. I’ve seen his true character, his genuine love for Christ, his obedience to Scripture and his conviction to do what is right even when it’s not easy. He was also an older single before we married so I thought his perspective might be helpful to our readers over on Our Single Purpose. Plus, he’s a great writer, brilliant, wise, handsome… but I digress. So I asked him 5 questions about singleness and the transition into marriage, and you can read his answers over here:
When I was single, I dreaded hearing “the purity talk” from married people. Please don’t talk to me about “waiting” and “guarding” and “abstaining” when I have no idea if I will ever marry and you’re enjoying the pleasures of marital bliss… Now here I am an old married woman (of two months) writing about sexual purity…hmmm…sorry…
But I am very familiar with the intense pull of temptation and the despair of not knowing when or if you will ever be able to conquer those “natural” cravings or find some relief. When my husband and I met we were both in our mid-thirties. Each of us had walked the long road of uncertainty and we both had things in our past that we regretted–things that we wish we could do over with the knowledge that we have now. But we had also both fully repented and experienced the abundant forgiveness that God through Christ provides for those who believe.
Before we married, we had “the talk” about our previous experiences, not detailed accounts, but enough that it hurt both of us deeply. It was honestly one of the most difficult conversations we’ve had. The most hurtful thing for me was to know the pain that my past sin brought him. So I want you to learn from my mistakes, fight the good fight and be encouraged in it…
It’s been a busy season to say the least… I hope to start blogging on here again soon. There have been a few things posted to Our Single Purpose (the blog I contribute to on occasion) either by me or about me that I haven’t mentioned on here so I’ve linked to those below if you’d like to check them out. I’m still in the process of figuring out my schedule as a newly wed so hopefully it won’t be too long before you hear from me again.
“From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.” Isaiah 64:4
It’s my birthday month! I turn 35 this year…gulp…and next month, I get to marry the most amazing man I’ve ever met! Believe me, waiting until you’re 35 to marry is a looooooong time to wait. But I wouldn’t change a thing. God’s plans are so much better than mine.
Let’s rewind the clock about ten years. I would have been 25 years old, and to my mind at the time, the perfect age to marry (actually earlier but I would have settled to be married at 25). I was heading off to seminary ready to meet the love of my life, conquer my master’s degree, and face the world serving the Lord by my husband’s side. I was full of excitement, naivety and self-righteousness, and had lots of growing to do in all areas of life. My now fiancé, however, was living the life of an unbeliever. God wasn’t even on his radar at that time. If we would have met then, I would have either been witnessing to him or completely ignoring him!
Fast forward to about 5 years ago. I would have been turning 30, and to my mind way behind schedule to get married and start a family. I had graduated from seminary and was working full time (at a job where neither of my degrees were necessary), and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I was learning much about life and going through a lot of heart-ache. My future husband was in another state and had only been a Christian for about 3 years. He was learning much of Christ and planning to start college soon. He was focused on growing as a new creation and not even thinking about girls. If we had met then, he wouldn’t have even noticed me.
Now let’s skip ahead to last year at this time. I was about to turn 34, and had (mostly) made peace with my singleness and God’s good plan for my life. I didn’t know if I would ever marry and I was generally ok with that. It was no longer essential for a good life for me. I was happy in my little home with the ministries that the Lord had given me and was going about life just fine. There were times when being on my own was difficult and was the last thing I wanted, but there were also days when I couldn’t imagine being “tethered” to someone else and enjoyed my life as a single.
Then in March of this year, a friend of mine told me about a man from my home church who was coming to the school where I work and asked me to help him find his way around. Little did I know when I contacted him with purely helpful intentions that we’d be getting married by the end of the year (If you want to read more of our story, you can read these two posts on my blog: Surprised by Love Once Again and Life on the Fast Track).
God’s timing is perfect and it’s definitely worth the wait. All those years of longing, unanswered prayers, and missing a man that I had never met have all been forgotten. The waiting was difficult but I learned so much from it. And waiting doesn’t stop when you get what you’ve been waiting for. No, you just have to wait for something else. So learning to wait well is good and is a fruit of the Spirit (patience) that needs to be cultivated (which means effort and practice as we learn to deny ourselves and live by the Spirit).
So press on, dear ones! Keep seeking the Lord and following hard after Him. He is for you and is not withholding anything from those who walk uprightly (Ps. 84:11). He is not spiteful or teasing you by dangling the gift of marriage in front of you but only giving it to others. He is generous and a good gift giver–giving to each person what is perfectly suited for them in every season of life. Therefore, if marriage is good for you then God will bring that to you at His perfect time and in His perfect way. He will guide your path, and the path of your spouse just as He has done for centuries to bring about His good plans, so there’s no need to worry (visit my post Worrisome Birds …which I wrote when I was very single…for more on the theme of God’s perfect timing and providence). Put your trust in His faithfulness and love for you.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.” - Lamentations 3:22-25
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” Philippians 2:3-11
For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. ” 1 Peter 2:21-25
“Be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come; you have given the command to save me, for you are my rock and my fortress.” Psalm 71:3
This is my favorite version of this heartfelt hymn. I love this song. It always stirs my heart. I’m not familiar with this church but they do a beautiful job. I became familiar with this arrangement (sung by David Crowder) on the soundtrack CD of the movie Amazing Grace.
“Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.” -Psalm 61:2-3
So I asked him 5 questions about singleness and the transition into marriage, and you can read his answers over here:
