“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2
The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of wonderful and frightening events. If you’ve been following my writings for any length of time you are aware that I struggle with fear—fear of the unknown, fear of making mistakes, fear of not being good enough, fear of what others think of me, etc. Over the years, the Lord has taught me a lot about trusting Him and loving others through these struggles…but it’s still a struggle.
A little over a month ago, a man named Owen (who I had been growing more and more fond of as we got to know each other) began to pursue my heart. He is an incredibly amazing man who loves Jesus deeply. It’s been difficult for me to believe that he really exists and, even more so, that he actually wants me. But he has done well in words and actions to convince me of his faithfulness and love for me. I am a very blessed woman. I’ve never experienced such a vivid picture of the way Christ loves me. It blows me away, takes my words away and renders me utterly helpless.
We have a long distance relationship, so last weekend he came to visit me and stayed with a friend of mine. On Sunday, he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. Happiness flooded our hearts.
But there was still fear in mine. What if I’m not a good wife? What if this is a mistake? What if he’s not who he says he is? The enemy berated me with terrible thoughts and doubts. There I stood with my metaphorical hand in his, ready to walk down this path of marriage and my feet were glued to the ground with fear.
On Tuesday, I finally broke down. I fell before the Lord with all my fears spilling over and He gave me the song above. I can’t do this. My hands are empty. I can’t help myself. But here comes my Help. Jesus will help me. He kindly reminded me to trust Him. His hand was holding ours and this was His good gift to us. The waiting is finally over.
Now the prayer that had become the most difficult for me to pray (that God would give me a husband) has become my greatest joy (that God would bless my soon-to-be husband). We are walking hand-in-hand-in-Hand down the path toward marriage this December. I want to marry this man. I can’t help myself. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Please rejoice with us and thank the Lord for this incredible answer to many, many prayers! And continue to pray that we will grow in closeness to the Lord and to each other.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17